_{Today I cried.}

I was alone in a crowd of hundreds. The hot tears flowed down my cheeks this morning and I couldn't stop them. I was broken this morning. And it all started by my jamming before church. Well, I guess it really started the night before when I had a friend decided to keep me accountable to certain things. My life, therefore, was turned inside out and made easier to see how far I've really fallen. Thoughts and dreams haunting me in the night and I cannot sleep well, yet I wake up early the next morning. After I finished getting ready for church I had time to spare, which never happens. The split second decision to chose either to read a classic or play the guitar ended up with me woshiping like I have not done in quite a while. The Lord opened up something and the words came pouring out:

Jesus, you're my Wonderful Savior
Jesus, you're my Wonderful Savior

When I'm tired
When I'm weak
When I fall
And am incomplete

And I am crying out to you
My heart is frozen, Lord, to you
I need your breath to awaken me
Give me strength to fall to my knees
Your cleansing touch frees my soul to sing
This praise to you, Lord, my offering
Your Glory deserves more than I can bring
Your Holiness demands my everything
The cross it bears my sin from me
Your arms, they hold amazing love to me
I cannot express the feeling of my soul
The joy when it looks into the face of love
My lips drip with the praise of my Savior King
Your Spirit holy fire consumes my being

Then I went to church... From song one to the end it was either tears or choking on the words and it was the sweetest thing. I tend to be the stalwart one. The immovable rock. Things do not shake me, do not affect me. I've had enough of that. I plan to spend a large chunk of time tomorrow trying to find myself back to where I'm supposed to be. "From down here it's all distorted / flowing blues and greens / should I hold my breath and wait / or take a chance at finding out / what's on the other side" Something's broken and I hope to never fix it. Can I be as resolute in being as in speech? We'll find out I guess.