Life is good I tell ya. There's just something satisfing about recieving a gift you have been waiting for for a very long time. Now by very long I mean 2 months and by gift I mean girl. I won't go into any details but I will say that there is an emptiness that has now been filled. This is going to be a good break.

One other thing that has been in my head recently is this thought of where I am with my walk with the Lord. I know we all could be in a better place then we are now, but the question was posed to me at bible study this week. In the text of Rom 6 there are three kind of steps in our walk. There is the Knowledge: this is where we know and understand who God is and what he has done. There is the Reckoning: which is where this knowledge becomes so real, so vibrant, so alive, that it affects the way we live, our actions and desires and such. Finally there is the Presenting: this is the final step where the reckoning has occured and our actions are to present our bodies to God as slaves to righteousness and not slaves to sin. Well, I'm always like 'I just have a hard time with the presenting'. But after really thinking about it, shouldn't the presenting be the easiest part. Because once we have the reckoning down we are already having our actions changed. This therefore must lead to presenting, there is no other alternative. So I must think and chew on this concept for a while now.

Man, I just have all the luck. I was just writing a peice on how terrible it is to lose an irreplaceable hour's worth of work to the demon of the "timed out" issue , when all of the sudden I lose that peice too. Cei la vie, no? I won't even try to replace the replacement. You just wouldn't get it. Wouldn't know how much it cost me. Oh well. She comes today.

Do you ever wonder why people are so fakely philosophical about things? Why someone must take a thing which is in itself nothing more than the sum of its parts and try to create in it something else entirely? You know what I mean? Why can't the words that come out of my mouth be taken at face value? Why can't I do something without somebody thinking there is some alterior motive?

I don't really know why I just typed out all of that stuff. Perhaps it's some crazy stuff hidden way down deep in my psyche trying to get out. But there I go doing exactly what I was questioning. I'm just running low on the lovin' levels. Luckily I get a recharge starting Wed.

Haha! Two in one day. I am good man. So, I just got back from watching Hart's War. Not a bad flick, but not exactly the greatest either. Boy, can I tell you, I love it when I get to see a man's brains blown onto the guy sitting next to him. That's the sign of a great one. It's ok though, cause I was out doing it with friends of mine. I tell you, I have some of the coolest people in the world for friends. I mean if we can perform fake marriages and strange indian dances one night and then the next go see a movie, they have to be wicked cool.

Speaking of wicked, I just had 3 friends from Mass. come down to visit. Ok, well they were really visiting the grandparents, but made a stop my way. That was honestly one of the coolest things. It's like I have two different worlds. School people and camp people. Only once before have they ever met. But it is one of the coolest things I think when I get to live both at the same time. I have made such memories with both groups and I share those with both as I talk about things I've done. I guess it just means a lot to me that they get to have a taste of each other.

Well, perhaps things are just starting to fall together for me finally. Life is going well. My girl is visiting for spring break(yes!!!!!!!!). It is all good in my so called 'hood'. It's a never ending saga, my life. But you know what? Could I really have it any other way. I don't think so. Perhaps I would like to change a few things, but I really can't complain. I should never be complacent, but I find my comfort in the Lord. And so I call it a night. Hopefully the morning won't come as quickly as this day's did.

Wow, it's been 11 days since I've written. Didn't really seem like that long. So much has happened and yet nothing at all. You know what I mean? I might have to do this in installments as to not miss anything of importance. I'll start out with most recently.

I learned this new game last night called Silent Football. The gameplay itself is quite simple but the main attraction to it is the penalties. Oh yes, you do not want to mess up in this game. Penalties ranged from dancing to butt writting, to dusting with somebody else's dirty sock in your mouth. Crazy, I tell you. I often wonder who comes up with these games. Like really, who sits down one day and says, I want to make a crazy game with shrugs and schroders and penalties, hmm, who? Can't tell ya.

Well, I gotta get back to this thing later. Gold Medal Hockey is coming on and I wanna see the USA team whoop up on those silly neighbors we call Canadians.

So I'm sitting here at work on campus and it is 9:30pm. What the heck am I doing working on a night such as this? No, better question, what the heck am I working at night at all for? I can't say really, besides the fact that if I didn't pick up this shift then I'd only be working like 6 hours a week. That's not gonna cover me at all. So I am destined to sit here and entertain myself for another hour and a half. And really the only reason I am typing on this thing is because biomechanics has ceased to become interesting and I just want to play minesweeper or freecell. This, I thought, would be a better use of my time. So here, peruse this lyric: His footsteps are ringing/or is that the thoughts inside my head/ what was the question/ I've lost it all again. Eh, not so good on paper, but I have the melody in my head and danggit, it's good. Anyway, I'm off to slack off in some other way.

What a great joy comes to me when I think that I now only have one little test between me and freedom. It doesn't mean that this nasty cycle of procrastination and cramming will end, only put it on hold for a while. Spring break is going to be so nice... no school, no job, just fun, sun, and makin' out. Does life get any better than this? Can't say one way or the other, but I have a definite case of green grass syndrome.

One really cool thing here though is that I was just putting the final editing touches with some friends on our video, dare I say motion picture?, for the Crusade Film Festival. We are definitely going to kick some major butt. I can't reveal anything here yet though as prying eyes may wish to know about it before it's world premier. Hey, this ain't no Cannes, but it's still a debut.

Things will continue to look up as long as I am doing the same thing. Time with my Almighty has been lacking. Gotta call Dad up if ya know what I mean, I bet he's waiting up for me.

Thought running through my head: why am I so insignificant in the grand scheme of things?

Ok, I'm a little better but that might be solely because I have yet to really think about what is ahead. But in truth the hardest test is behind me. Just keep on top of it Graham

At 6:49pm on this day I have officially hit the wall in my apathy about school. While I thought that I have felt inklings of it before I find that today it has become a reality. I was checking my gpa for the previous semester to see how poorly I can do and still keep my scholarship. Perhaps this was caused by my lack of being able to get any work done over the weekend and the three rather large exams I have this week. That stupid movie we just...had... to shoot this weekend. While I do believe it is going to be awesome and that we are going to win the film festival it did nothing to encourage my academic career. I'm sitting here and I don't even care. Nothing. No feeling whatsoever. My girl was getting on my case last night about my fatalistic outlook on life. "How can you just sit there and not care, not do anything." Easy, I say, just sit there, don't care, and don't do anything. Alright I'm cutting this off, this is even depressing me now. Not even the sappy Dashboard Confessional love song in the background can help this one.... Ah, there we go, more hardcore. 'Cross out the eyes, blur all the lines, tearing these canvases from the walls..." Maybe after my exam tonight I'll feel better, a weight removed.

So here I am...

Siting at my desk at a quarter till one in the morning when I have to get up for work at 9am. Why do I insist on this self inflicted insomnia. The watch on my desk clicks loudly, letting me know that each second has past me by. Why am I here? Why do I write on this thing? Well, considering a friend of mine just introduced it to me and I thought it was cool, I guess I just have some sort of deep seated desire to express myself in written word. And of course since it is late and I am desperately tired I become quite melodramatic in my use of language.

The only thing I could think to say here is that interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex, let's say dating relationships, are hard to figure out. How can everything be perfect one second and then after one word is spoken it all falls apart. And then as you hang the phone up you realize that you had so much more to say and yet could not find the words to use. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I can do nothing right, by myself, at night. I fall apart.

But I must go...

if I could only be like you
then I wouldn't struggle the way I do
if only this story was told from the end
then I would know where I'd fall again
this face I show is too worn to wear again
I'd just as soon run then face the fact
that I am just dust and air