Oh how quickly a day can go by and how little one can get done. I did two main things today: eat lunch and watch a football game. Where the rest of the day went I can't remember. Somewhere along the line tv and this computer sucked most of it up I'm sure. How depressing.

I've got to do something with myself. I need to get a job, go to class, walk outside... something. I spent the whole summer doing stuff and now I'm sitting around doing nothing. All this free time is bothering me. Ok, maybe it's not the free time, maybe it's the way I'm spending that free time. There's got to be something more productive to do with myself than what I have done already.

I miss the mountains. Land here is too flat. It's too hot. It's too... I'm such a whinner sometimes. Why I can't be content in where I am is a question I ask myself all the time.

I think my attention span has gotten drastically shorter recently. These disjointed three sentence paragraphs are an example. Oh well.

Maybe later I'll do something about it.

maybe not

and a good time was had by all.

I spent this evening in Orlando. On the agenda for the night was the Denison Marrs cd release party. What happened in addition to that was what made the night really special. Not only did I get into the show for $10, but that got me the cd as well, plus I had dinner at mike graham's house, and then second dinner at mike golin's. Yeah! That's right, two home cooked meals in one night. What more could one ask for you say? How about spending an hour in the hot tub with scented beads? Check.

So I've gotten 3 great albums in 2 days. Blindside's debut release on Electra; Silence, The Juliana Theory's third LP; Love, and now the new Denison Marrs; Then is the New Now. So much rock, so little time.

I've also got to find a job. That sucks. But you know, bills gotta get paid. So if anyone knows of something let me know.

off to the comfort of my warm and soft bed. ahh.....

so it's 4am and I am still awake? Why is that? Well it might have to do with the fact that I fell asleep during the movie tonight for about half an hour so I'm not feeling tired. That kinda sucks though 'cause come tomorrow and I'll be feeling like crap. I could just sleep until I naturally wake up, however I feel like that would just start a bad precendent for the semester. There's always the job applications sitting next to me that I could fill out or I could just be unproductive and just type for now.

It's hard to come off of a summer of my schedule being made for me and then having to do it all on my own.

I never thought I could miss someone more, but I do now
I never thought I could feel so terrible about myself, but I do now

Late nights combined with an introspective spirit and personal faults is a volatile mix. I find it is much easier to hate parts of yourself than to love the whole. These words, penned by Christian Lindskog, speak my heart: "but I know, as I hammered those nails into your beautiful hands/ your eyes still try to search for mine, but I look away/ now your eyes are the only thing that can save me/ I'm still so afraid of them piercing/ you're breaking into my prison"

and so the school year begins. I believe it to be full of promise and blessing, but I must be faithful. Be faithful and true and pure. No blemish should be found on this sacrifice.

five...


four...

and it's only three days until I am back in Gainesville. As things wind down here in New Hampshire they begin to speed up in Florida. I must say that it has been an incredible summer. I have seen so many beautiful things. Mountains, lakes, ocean, wildlife, stars, metors, and on and on it could go. But I could say that it has been an amazing summer even if I had not experienced all that.

Tuesday morning I woke up at 3:30am to drive to the top of Cadillac Mt. in Acadia National Park. This is the tallest point on the Atlantic coast and the spot where you catch the first rays of sun striking the US. While I stood there for over an hour waiting for the sun to arise, the sky slowing brightening, stars slowly fading, and the mist and fog slowly peeling back from the islands below me, God spoke. Everything was in slow motion that morning and as I was reading scripture (Genesis 1) a thought came to me. "What is a year of your life?" This thought was so far out from anything I have ever thought that I know it was from the Lord. I cannot say that I have ever felt something more sure in my life (maybe when I knew I should go on summer project to Argentina). It was one of those Elijah moments where God spoke in the still small breeze. That question answered something that has had me worried for a long time; What am I going to do with myself after I graduate? I had thought about interning with Crusade for a year or just going out and getting a so called "real job". This was God's call for me to follow him. What is a year? And if that is where he wants me, what is a lifetime? I can't not obey.

I'm writting this for my own benefit as much as others. Many may wonder, 'who cares about that Graham', but I need a reminder. This is not going to be easy. I must have faith and perseverence. I must have the help of those around me. I must have Jesus.

Thanks for all who have persevered with me this summer. I know you have not read much, but there's a new school year coming up. I'm sure there will be plenty of crazy things to write about.

Peace.

The summer has absolutely flown by. I can't believe that I am looking at just a week and a half until I set foot once again in that lovely North Florida town of Gainesville. The two months that I have been here in New Hampshire have seemed like only a week or so. It's not as if I've hiked over a hundred miles, over nearly twenty mountains, and witnessed some of the most breathtaking views that I have ever seen. I guess it has just come down to that point in the summer when you start to analyze how it's all gone. You're not quite done yet, but you're winding down, unconciously cutting ties and getting yourself ready to move on. I have slowly been moving from camp mode into school mode. This is natural, but sometimes not the most beneficial when it comes to relationships. So it's been a little tough as far as that goes. But I am ready for school. I never thought that I would ever say that, but I am looking forward to getting back to Gville. I think it has more to do with the people there and not the academics, but what are you going to do. And yeah I just noticed that I have used the word 'but' in four of the last five sentences. What are you going to do about it?

So, it will take me a while to be able to process all that has happened this summer. I'll need some time alone just to sit and think. Do the whole instant replay thing with my life, just with out the near dying part. A few lines here might quickly and broadly summarize it.

So take me as I am
I've nothing left to give
it's all be sacrificed for your all surpassing gift
The only thing I need
the one thing I desire
is Jesus
Jesus

I've nothing really left to say. Maybe something deep and insightful will come to me later, only to be forgotten before I ever write it down. Who knows.

He stood there with his whole body trembling. Alone in front of hundreds his eyes were clenched shut on the verge of tears. Any thought to any thing beyond the black void of those eyes had long since disappeared. As his voice cracked with the repetitious melody and heartfelt words it was as if years were lifted from those shoulders. And somewhere a wall fell. The wire and wood that hung from him seemed like a fifth limb, an extention that was not so much something to be worked as something that was to be released to work, to form it's own beauty. He was lost and did not fear it. He was weak and did not fight it. He was small and did not feign height. For a perfect second he was perfectly content. I could stay there forever. And as it faded he knew it would not return. It's time had come and gone. It had served it's purpose. To try and take more would rape it's purity. It stung, but only with the thought that time should always be like this. Something was not right. Something was not as it should be. This was how it was always supposed to be and it was not. The memory would remain, but the reality would fade. Sometime the redemption would come, but this was not it. The pleasure, pain, sorrow, and joy flowed out in one tear. The burning drop made it's course down his face and fell to the ground. It disappeared into the dry ground as if soaked up to be returned to where it came from. And all was left was the smile written in quivering muscles. And that was enough.