It's really hard to write when nothing is going on. I want to have something deep and insightful to say about life, but all I've got is a week spent watching tv and reading. So yeah, some people might like that, and I thought I would too, but that's not the way it's been working. It seems like I've come to see myself as what I do and since I have not been doing anything I feel terrible about myself. Yesterday I went absolutely stir crazy. I had to mow the lawn, a task I detest, to make myself feel better.

Perhaps it's a symptom of my relationship with the Lord. I've defined myself more by what I do than by what I am. Time spent with him is substitued by things done, or even thought about doing. My arm says that I am in Christ, but is that the way I am actually living? I find that I live a memory or even a fantasy more than I live a reality. That's something that I would love to change all at once, but I am sure that that is an impossible task. I did not get here in one step and neither will I leave by one. It's a journey and a process. One that I have not begun yet, but know that I should. If someone would just kick my butt and get me moving. I can't kick it hard enough myself.