Sometimes it's hard to believe how long time can take to drift by us. A friend of mine once said that calenders remind us we are losing something precious, which I agree with, but sometimes the time you are living in isn't as precious as ones you forsee in the future. Thus I am stuck here wishing for the future and discontent with the present.

Look at it like this. When I am doing something with other people, like just hanging out with my friends, everything is ok. Get me alone by myself and I become this brooding and moody person. Thoughts like:

If I could just make it till sunrise
I just might survive
this restless night
of fighting and crying
is the morning soon on it's way"

run through my head. Which of course doesn't make me feel any better about myself. Because if I become a different person by myself then I am doing something wrong. Why can't I just be one at all times? Even if it was the more negative person that would be better than this division against myself. If that was the way I was then I would have the help of others to get me through this, but no, I have to be perfectly alright in public. I don't want to tarnish my façade. This whitewashed sepulchre, beautiful on the outside but on the inside is full of a dead man's bones and everything unclean. I can't say anymore now. Maybe later I can be more vulnerable.